That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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