when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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