My underwear smells like fireworks.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
