my room smells like sperm. sweet.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
