omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i think my mom watched the whole time
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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