i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
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Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
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