I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
