WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
