yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
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Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
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My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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