What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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