does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
