I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
