so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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