1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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