Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
