Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
