She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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