would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
