Are we in a gay sports bar?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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