When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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