do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
