I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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