I think I won the penis lottery.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
