we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
