remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
