I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I have fence marks all over my body
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
