I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
