On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
