You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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