you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
