Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
