i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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