im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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