she was so not down for the gang bang
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
