Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
