used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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