Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
