You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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