ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
