the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
