I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
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