After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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