see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
