Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
