Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
