I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
