her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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