Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
