Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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