We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
