White coat. Heels.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
