She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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