My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
