I want to walk on stilts...naked
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Randomize