My brain says no but my pants say off.
I met the friendliest cop last night
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
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