You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
