i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Randomize
