just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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