This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
