I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
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The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
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I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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