Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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