Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
