I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
